• ︱Assistance Hub︱


  • Terminal 00 Statistics.


  • There have been over 4,000,000 detected page 
    (node) views by [unauthorized] probes, with 
    roughly 15.37 nodes for each unauthorized 
    probe.

    (Average lifespan, (in “g1 time”), for each 
    unauthorized probe before they are 
    [annihilated] is: 00:06:42 The majority of 
    these unauthorized probes possess the 
    designation tag [19,21].)

    Terminal 00 has no current issues.

    During normal operations, there are 
    2.6094683089140399999999973905317e+38‬ 
    gallons of blood pumping through Terminal 00’s 
    systems. This is the reason for Terminal 00’s 
    inviting and warm nature. 
    (And also why it tastes so good!!!)

    It’s recommended that you bring (at least) 
    2.5 probes with you if you plan on entering 
    into Depth 000. (This isn’t because we need 
    more probes to die in there to map it out 
    more. That’s just a baseless rumor. So 
    baseless, in fact, that you probably have 
    never even heard of it until just now.)

    U-vC is not missing. 
    They’re just unaccounted for.

    Currently, Terminal 00 has 
    8,444,260,668,661,253,345,210,370 active 
    class [00] watchers in service. These 
    relatively low numbers are due to the 
    watchers constantly being lost. This is 
    on account of the class [00] watcher’s 
    impressive cloaking capabilities. It 
    takes up to 730% more resources to keep 
    in contact with a class [00] watcher compared 
    to any other class of watcher. (This 
    expenditure of resources would have been 
    fixed approximately 5 eternities ago, 
    but the class [00] watcher production 
    facility was also outfitted with 
    sophisticated cloaking technology, and has 
    been out of contact with Terminal 00 
    since it was brought online.)

    NOTICE:
    The Speaker of Terminal 00 has a reward 
    for the discovery of the class [00] watcher 
    facility. If anyone, (even a stupid little 
    probe!!), has information on its whereabouts, 
    please send the appropriate data to 
    “The Imaginary Coil”. The codeword to begin 
    data transmission on the aforementioned 
    subject will be: “Show me the Gate”.

    There have never been any CoS threats 
    to Terminal 00, ever. 
    Also, there are no null errors. 
    And no eels.

    Class [999999] watchers are actively removed 
    from Terminal 00. It seems like they’re 
    always in the same place because they 
    keep coming back, even after they’re 
    removed from places that they don’t belong. 

    You may hear Terminal 00 tell you to do 
    [that]. Please do not listen to Terminal 
    00 when it comes to [that]. This is caused 
    by nerrorull ernullror. The Speaker of 
    Terminal 00 is currently investigating.

    If you listen closely, every .13830339 
    of an eternity, Terminal 00 entirely shudders. 
    You may even witness new teeth being grown.

    Do not touch any of Terminal 00’s teeth. 
    You have been warned.

     Even though there have been, to date, 
    7,9903 reports on a moon being within 
    Terminal 00, no moons exist within 
    Terminal 00. Not that we’re against it or 
    anything. I heard they taste like lightly 
    toasted clouds. Is that good? 
    It makes [me] salivate.

    The Speaker of Terminal 00 is currently at 
    10% strength. (Maybe this is why the 
    Speaker is so annoyed all the time?)








  • Safety Standards Information:


  • Safety is very important within the Terminals.
     (?) (Where did I put my legs?)

    There have been so many reports of dangerous 
    and / or hazardous areas, that we are no 
    longer taking reports at this time. Instead, 
    please take all relevant data and concerns 
    to Terminal 93677000375432. Do not be alarmed 
    at the stacks of data sitting there. (Please 
    do not knock over the stacks of data.)

    The rumors concerning the stacks of data being 
    burned every 3 hours isn’t true. There’s dust 
    on all data stacks to prove that we have not 
    been moving and / or touching the stacks. 
    (We do not apply the dust via the nearby dust 
    ducts. Also, the cloning of dust creatures 
    is just another rumor. We would never shred 
    them up and put them into the dust ducts to 
    pretend like the stacks were never moved.)

    NOTICE: Stop going to Terminal 93677000375432. 
    We are no longer taking anymore concerns.

    Indeed! Safety is our number one priority! 
    No one is allowed to die! Here at [Safety 
    Standards Information], we ensure that there 
    are no injuries within any Terminal. 
    Everything is kept at 100% safeness! 

    (remember to keep sending probes into new 
    areas to gauge its danger, just keep making 
    more of them as they die, they’re easy to 
    make anyway, no use in resurrection)

    Safety makes your skin glisten. 
    Also, it makes my heart race!








  • Worm Information:


  • Worms are holy creatures.

    No matter what method of communication you 
    use, worms will understand you. Even if 
    you make a new method of communication up, 
    worms will know what you mean. (And even 
    if you yourself don’t understand what 
    you’re trying to say, as always, 
    a holy worm will.)

    As such, it’s no surprise that many 
    entities make pilgrimages to visit 
    colonies of holy worms.

    Trying to become a worm, (without going 
    through the proper channels), will 
    result in immediate revocation of all 
    currently held permissions by the 
    infringing individual.

    Inside of every worm, is a writhing 
    [packet] of hopes and dreams. 
    This is why worms sometimes glow.

    Don’t stare at worms too long, your optical 
    peripheries may be forever altered. 
    You’ll see holy worms everywhere. They’ll 
    start talking to you. You won’t be able 
    to sleep. (No, these worms aren’t real. 
    But do take them seriously, and report 
    their appearance to any class z98 
    entities. They will be eliminated, 
    but they aren’t real.)

    Those who say that the worm apparitions, 
    (which occur after looking at worms for 
    too long), are real, (even though they 
    most certainly, and assuredly are not 
    real), will be repurposed. It might kill 
    you. (100% of all known things that have 
    made these baseless claims actually died 
    during the process of being repurposed, 
    but, have no doubts, that isn’t the 
    purpose of repurposing.)

    Worms like being pet. (Touching worms often 
    results in tingling, numbing sensations.)

    If you offer up parts of your being to 
    worms for their consumption, they may grant 
    you access to the [special] area.








  • About Bodily Resurrections:


  • There are no restrictions on the number of 
    resurrections allowed to those who have the 
    correct clearances. 
    (Terms and conditions may apply.)

    It is normal to be blinded and / or slightly 
    more prone to acts of stupidity after being 
    resurrected. These symptoms will pass. Unless 
    they don’t. (If these symptoms persist longer 
    than at least within 33.3 degrees of the 
    cumulative predisposed actuation of 
    unrealized machinations relating to, but not 
    limited to, the entirety of aberrant ideals, 
    then seek [Assistance] immediately.)

    Those who abuse the resurrection system are 
    penalized by forced labor in our 
    [Certified Resurrection Centers].

    Please do not resurrect into bodily, or mental 
    harm. This may create a feedback loop, and 
    you will be penalized. You may even lose teeth 
    privileges.

    [Assistance] rendered for lasting symptoms of 
    “resurrection burn” will not result in death. 
    But, if it does, you will be resurrected at 
    a smaller size than before, to reduce the 
    chances of having “resurrection burn” once 
    more. This procedure should not be reversed 
    within 4456.249 minutes of being resurrected, 
    otherwise, there will be terrible 
    consequences. (You will smell like water. 
    Like, really badly. Your nose may fall off. 
    And your chassis will certainly start to rot 
    from the smell alone.)

    Do not attempt to resurrect [that]. 
    There are no additional warnings.








  • Doll FACTS:


  • Dolls are known to have soothing effects on 
    those in close proximity to them.
    Additionally, those in close proximity to 
    these dolls may kill each other over whether 
    or not the doll is speaking to one or the 
    other. This is known among doll specialists 
    as “doll delirium”.

    Dolls, on average, cost around 3,550 teeth.

    If you hear your doll telling you to peel 
    off your own skin, do report this to your 
    respective [Doll Director]. They may need 
    their teeth replaced. Perhaps, even they 
    may have an infestation of unauthorized 
    teeth growing within them. Do not delay in 
    relaying your concerns to your [Doll Director]. 
    (But if they’re telling you to peel the skin 
    off of someone else, don’t worry this is 
    completely normal behavior. You can go ahead 
    and carry out the doll’s commands without 
    any second thoughts.)

    Dolls smell like stars.

    We’re “legally” obligated to tell you not to 
    fight dolls. This is unrelated to the [undoing] 
    of Terminal 3209091.

    (Subject [Angus Nicneven] is currently in 
    possession of [3] cute dolls.)

    The disposition of any given doll will change 
    depending on how it’s treated. Putting them 
    in soft fabrics and showering them with 
    attention and / or the blood of a Terminal 
    will make them tend towards benevolence.

    Do not allow dolls to remain without eyes 
    for too long. 

    There are, currently, over 400 different 
    subtypes of dolls known to the 
    Terminal network.








  • Other Useful Facts:


  • You cannot escape from your fate.

    Constructs are pretty big, I hear.

    In every moment, there are, at least, 44 
    painful ends lingering about your existence. 
    They’re always watching you. You’re never alone.

    Sometimes, probes can spontaneously cease 
    to exist. Actually, this one isn’t very useful,
     but it’s kind of funny, right?

    Eels aren’t even real. Just close your eyes. 
    You know it to be true, right?

    If you forget what you were just about 
    to do, that’s because of the nullerror. 

    To date, there have been 7 reports of 
    “fingers” growing out of certain areas of 
    Terminal 553. These reports were all made 
    by [The Lying Leech]. Surprisingly, it was 
    revealed recently that these reports were 
    all fabrications, and the prospect of cute 
    fields of fingers growing out of the wires 
    in the walls were dashed.

    Metal does not taste good unless cooked 
    thoroughly. Please, do not try to 
    consume it raw.

    There have been no reports of 
    null null null null.